I love to set goals and then not meet them. I shouldn't be so hard on myself; I have attained many goals despite serious obstacles but in general I like to plan more than execute. I read an article recently that seemed like a pretty good road to success and I was very impressed with how the author of the host site had changed his own life. So I created my list of essential new habits to create. I set a side one habit each month for the next few months. Since the author suggested it I started with positive thinking.
I have done most of what he suggests but I have not made my efforts public beyond my husband who found the whole idea rather amusing which aggravated me to no end, but think positive, right?
At my mid-month check-in on my progress I have found that the bulk of my negative thinking is around my body image, my weight and how I correlate those things to how I feel about myself and completely annihilate my self esteem. I often think things like:
"I will always be fat. Why bother?"
"My husband doesn't want me to change."
"Having kids ruined my body I should just except that I am a frumpy fat mom."
"If I lose weight I will probably just cheat on my husband."
"I can't drink alcohol or coffee so I should be able to eat whatever I want." (Oh yeah, I am Mormon, forgot to tell you.)
The truth I have put next to these negative statements go as follows:
I will not always be fat. I have not always been fat. I was not a fat child despite thinking I was, I have been thinner and healthy as an adult and I can be again. My husband does want me to change. He may not want to change himself but I know he wants me to be happier and healthier. Having children does not destroy our body. I am a person not an image and certainly not a frumpy fat mom image. I don't cheat. I never have so why would that ever change. I chose not to drink alcohol and coffee. I could drink them right now if I wanted to but I consistently chose not to. Life is better without them.
The thoughts in my head seem to be changing as I focus on the positive side of these things. I feel like I am making choices instead of just doing bad things over and over again because I can. It reminds me of the the first time I joined Weight Watchers. Portion control was a revelation. I think I will add a positive message to my post-it notes tonight:
"I can eat pizza every day."