Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Personal Change

I love to set goals and then not meet them.  I shouldn't be so hard on myself; I have attained many goals despite serious obstacles but in general I like to plan more than execute.  I read an article  recently that seemed like a pretty good road to success and I was very impressed with how the author of the host site had changed his own life.  So I created my list of essential new habits to create.  I set a side one habit each month for the next few months.  Since the author suggested it I started with positive thinking.

I have done most of what he suggests but I have not made my efforts public beyond my husband who found the whole idea rather amusing which aggravated me to no end, but think positive, right?

At my mid-month check-in on my progress I have found that the bulk of my negative thinking is around my body image, my weight and how I correlate those things to how I feel about myself and completely annihilate my self esteem.  I often think things like:

"I will always be fat.  Why bother?"
"My husband doesn't want me to change."
"Having kids ruined my body I should just except that I am a frumpy fat mom."
"If I lose weight I will probably just cheat on my husband."
"I can't drink alcohol or coffee so I should be able to eat whatever I want." (Oh yeah, I am Mormon, forgot to tell you.)

The truth I have put next to these negative statements go as follows:

I will not always be fat.  I have not always been fat.  I was not a fat child despite thinking I was, I have been thinner and healthy as an adult and I can be again.  My husband does want me to change.  He may not want to change himself but I know he wants me to be happier and healthier.  Having children does not destroy our body.  I am a person not an image and certainly not a frumpy fat mom image.  I don't cheat.  I never have so why would that ever change.  I chose not to drink alcohol and coffee.  I could drink them right now if I wanted to but I consistently chose not to.  Life is better without them.

The thoughts in my head seem to be changing as I focus on the positive side of these things.  I feel like I am making choices instead of just doing bad things over and over again because I can.  It reminds me of the the first time I joined Weight Watchers.  Portion control was a revelation.  I think I will add a positive message to my post-it notes tonight:

"I can eat pizza every day."


1 comment:

  1. When I was at my heaviest, my then boyfriend (now husband) and I had a very serious talk about my weight. I won't go into all the details, but it was the first time someone had come to me, with love, and told me they sincerely just wanted me to be healthy. Whenever my mom or dad did, I knew it was because they loved me, but there was so much nagging. It just made me miserable.

    But you can do it, Erin! One bite at a time, the way it works for you :-)

    Other blogs you might like:
    Token Fat Girl (Lorrie)
    Questions for Dessert
    Prior Fat Girl
    Miz Fit
    Life Changing Journey