Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Chasing the Dragon

Last night I posted my weight chart for the past 6 years and detailed some of the diets I have been on.  I wanted to dig in to that topic a bit more.  I never dieted until I was in my twenties.  I always and I mean always thought I was fat.  People said my mother was fat, including herself and so I just floated through the world thinking the same thing about myself.  I spent long hours alone as a child and would eat everything in the house, which thankfully wasn't very unhealthy food because my mother was always on a diet.  You could say I was bigger than other girls but I wasn't really over weight until my twenties when I stopped playing sports, sat a desk all day and ate whatever I wanted.  My first goal when I got disgusted with my body was to start exercising.  I loved food too much to try and change what I was eating.  I would start taking long walks or join a gym, lose a few pounds and start feeling better and then for what ever reason I would stop working out etc...

My first official diet was in college.  My mom was doing Atkins so I thought I would try to cut all the carbs out of my food.  Within three days I was light headed and didn't feel right so I quit.  I tried the Susan Powter low fat thing for a while, that didn't work at all.

After college I joined Weight Watchers and for the first time paid someone else to put me on a diet.  It worked well.  I learned about portion sizes and some other good basic nutritional information that I have never forgotten but often failed to use.  I remember saying to my mom back then in a bit of a superior tone - I can eat pizza every day so there is no reason to eat the whole thing in one sitting.  I can have one or two pieces a day if I want.  The look on her face was something I will never forget.  It was disbelief.  She couldn't believe that I would ever quit eating whole pizzas, she couldn't, so how could I.  She said several times then that I had never dieted before and that I would learn.

I did learn.  I learned all about defeat and the horrible cycle.  You can see that it has continued through multiple rounds of Weight Watchers and other programs. 

Over Eaters Anonymous was successful in the sense that I lost weight.  I also changed my life forever.  Working the steps to completion once has forever changed my perspective on my life and brought me to a whole new level of living.  I stopped working the program after I got married and children came in the picture.  OA required a level of commitment and time that I haven't been able to muster since.  I have tried a few times, gotten a sponsor etc, but I never stuck to it. 

Over the years, aside from the official diets I have tried vegetarianism, veganism, counting calories, low carb, slim fast, diet pills, etc........Many of them work, none of them work for long and I don't work them for vary long.

I suppose this is where most people make grand pronouncements about how they are going to change.  I am not.  I will keep writing and making some adjustments, one meal at a time, one day at a time and we will see what happens.  I like to chase the diet dragon and go back to old plans thinking they will work and I will feel the same way I did in the beginning of Weight Watchers or OA.  We can see how well that works.  Hey, for now.  I will just keep you posted.  :)   

No comments:

Post a Comment