Thursday, August 25, 2011


I have found my new favorite blog.  I started reading his posts from day 1 of his journey in 2008.  You know it is good if you are reading old posts.  On this particular post he talks about daydreaming about his family, their future instead of dreaming about food.  I realized and I mean stone cold realized that  I do not allow myself to dream about my children's future and my future with them.  On the rare occasion when I think about my daughter getting married or having a baby I start to sob so I push those thoughts away because I am afraid I will never stop crying.  What the hell is that all about? 

Dude, seriously, what does that mean?  Am I afraid I won't be there; that it won't happen; that I don't deserve happiness; that I think I am doomed to be miserable and have a horrible family life? Am I afraid that I will still be fat in that future?  I know that this also means I don't pay as much attention in the moment with my family either.  I have known this for a while but I haven't really examined it.  Fucking blog, here I go bringing shit out in to the light.

More on this later....I need to ponder.

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